Bumz

All i know, all i do is keep repeating, jiayou baby.

i really want to do something for you. give you directions .

but i m such a useless girlfriend.

vulnerable baby.

I feel kinda, matured and think alot for future as compared to alot of my surroundings.

But at times, of weak and strains, i reduce to a crawler.

Today, almost like a zero.
where’s my hero.

等

couldnt stop all the sobbing even till today.
Trying so much to be strong. YES!

i just couldnt cope w it yet.

TO be positive , and look at all those great memories we had.
but that triggers te fact that you are no longer here to hold my hands.
Every bus ride to and back from school, hurts.
Just wish that you’re here with me.

Maybe you faggies think that i’m childish to not be able to deal with this gracefully.
But it’s really tough to deal with.

I really really miss you so.

Everyone is asking me not to cry
but i guess it’s really human nature to do so when you feel upset or what right?
Wow, I’m not that strong sorry.
But tears dont reveals signs of weak.
It can be painful to handle and to miss someone that much with the knowledge that he aint gonna be by your side.
You cant touch him, see him, hear him, know him, at least anytime soon,.

woah, i swear handling this is like , a great process to grow.
but, can i not grow?

webcaming with badlove now.
with his webcam not working.
can feel the distance.
slightly drifting?
i hope we ‘ll be good. it’s only two days, omg.

BnW Gradient.

Highlights of my life,
were when you smile and warms my heart.

Gradients of life.
The life of us two.

Firstly,

Thanks everyone who has shown much concern and watch my back all this while.This includes my close friends like Quelic Packs , CRs, TaiTais,Prince C ;  good friends like Jannson, Sheryl Thong, Caiyu, Sam, Vivi, Amy, and Martin’s friends, which means some dance seniors like Jonas, Nicole, Harris, Fion, Gen, Lavone and many others actually . I know the others are talking(bitching in another words) but I guess precious pple are more important to note rather than the others.
Thanks for being my support.

I do not wish to worry anyone. So dont have to worry about me okay!
haha. i make it sound like ppl are reading bolts.

Always trying best to appear as strong, maybe i just aint. Just an ugly weakling who holds back her tears till no eye watches. Crying weakens me , as i’ve always said. It tires me. This crybaby issue doesnt go off. Is it my bad to cry? To let go off my emotions that i attached so closely to myself that nobody knows.
Or to sob so hard that no one hears.

I’m okay. That’s what I always say.
Perhaps, i aint.
Perhaps I’m a freak that would not wanna let things go as it is.
Perhaps I’m someone who break down when thoughts collate.
But I just wanna be strong , for Me, Him and All others who watch out for me.

I’ve got no inkling how I will react on that day.
But I’m finding hard to accept the fact of the departure so soon.

Close my ears, Shut my eyes.

JCrosses is strong,
will be, must be.

Feel

J.Crosses is currently pretty stressed.
And i’m supposed to have holidays nowwwww.

To be really honest,
I’ve been feeling damn uptight when i dance recently.
Uber stressed up, though most of the time , i always give smileys.

Two more weeks,
i’m so sorry that i cant really put myself in your shoes.
But i know how tough it is.
It’s extreme for me to let go of one,
how ‘ld it be for you to let go of all.

Somehow, i feel that i cant,
Cant let go of these hands,
that brought me so much love.

I have no choice,
Love you till the very end.

Sugargourd

Bitterchocolatier.

if you show more love.

Profound qualms;
Almost like phobia.

READERS, SO SORRY I’M SUCH A GOURD!
But im having an interesting and uber packed lifestyle!
XOXO YALL.

I’m feeling very uncertain and am having qualms about alot of issues. School work, dance , future and some relationship stuff. Yes, and nah nah, dont jump to conclusions you sweet baby jellos.
Sounds like wtf, but yae boy , your J Crosses is sorta single and very unavailable. Free to date though!

I just need assurance for all the little stuff that i’m doing, all the decisions i am wavering . Tats of concerns and directions. That’s what I would dearly appreciate. I’m going back to my old days of blogging at BOLTS! Dont you guys just love it!
Knowing so much more. haaha. yous tattlers!
<br>
I would not supress myself any longer.
I will remove the wall that I had built in defence of us singlehandedly.
I shall give all my love,
be next to ya.
What’s next on , who knows, who cares? Eh, actually i do give damn. haha.
<br>
Fate ar Fate, why like that?
finally i felt it’s right, but you are a perpendicular obstruction.

I missssss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu and myself.
Time to rest. Time to self speech. i mean recollect thoughts, i aint asylum.
Time to learn, Time to improve. Time to love, Time to be strong.

<br>
Pop that sugargourd,
Lock the palm-ful of qualms.

that was why.

i found out something pretty upsetting two days back.
and it kept running through my mind, why so?
yes, feels kinda cheated.

thanks to amy and sherylthong being by my sides.

that explains winter.

Halvedead.

What if i died halfway , not able to survive till the end.

i’ll be good

what’s next on,
what future holds.

but i’m gonna be here with you till the very end,
unless..

you’re going through so much,
I aint gonna have you worrying.
Not gonna be part of your encumbrance.

Remember, i’m strong and has alot of sweet friends.
I’ll be good.

What are we.

no fullstop.
We both know that.
but we kept keeping it on going.

are we eating into fate?

with the minimum belief and faith,
kept hanging on.
Clinging on to the every seconds of our moments.

our hands, our footsteps .
Crossed.
Overlapping shadows.
though deep in,
it’s preposterous to beg for you to be here.
the very next second,
wings and all.

obscured dolor,
hoping to not add on as a encumbrance.
everytime i held back my teardrops,
i’ll tell myself,
strong is without any emotes.

Everyone is nearing death each second,
in between life and death is time.
these time,
Waiting of death or truly alive?
We’ll utilize time, be truly alive.